Question: Four ways in which one’s acceptance of responsibility can influence effective communication.
- If I felt a need to sit with someone and discuss some action they took involving me, which was uncalled for, callous or just rude and mean, it relieves me of a great deal of pressure.
- If that person isn’t going to own their actions be they physical, verbal or emotional it can actually make me reconsider even attempting to talk to them about it.
- Decades of experience has shown me that the likelihood of me being able to get someone to accept responsibility when I sit to talk to them that hasn’t already done that, there can be nothing gained from the communication.
- They will tend to deny it altogether, claim they said or did something very different, or simply dismiss the “feelings” it caused in me as being “wrong”.
- It’s impossible to discuss something that one person just denies as being real, or that dismisses how it made me feel as if my feelings didn’t matter.
- Anything I say will be considered wrong, and the frustration that can cause isn’t worth it.
- That is why if they took full ownership before I attempt to communicate with them about it I know there is a real possibility we can reach an understanding of how they managed to step over a personal boundary.
- It completely changes the tone of the communication. The chances for success without it are as good as me winning the national lottery.
- When the attempt to communicate degenerates within the first few minutes into a “Yes you DID.” and “No I DIDN’T.” back and forth, or “It’s what you said !” and “You just took it wrong.” (a dismissal again of my feelings).
- You’ve experienced when someone admits to saying something, but when they repeat the words they spoke, they completely change the WAY they originally said it from sarcastic and cutting that was meant to hurt, into a sweet tone of a kind suggestion.
- We often forget our perception is our reality, and so is the other persons perception for them.
- The bottom line is really that when you are a person that will take responsibility for your choices in what you say and do, and are communicating with someone that does the same, you are trying to communicate one mature person to another, and success is very possible.
If they don’t, it may be best to stop before it starts and reassess your relationship.